Monday 21 December 2015

Stupid Jukebox in My Head

My life is accompanied by a sound-track. My stupid jukebox in my head does not hold tunes that I would have chosen. Nor do they make me look cool.

Circumstantial Tunes

These are triggered by events. Loads of these. For example

A Four-Legged Friend - this goes off everytime I see a dog. Since I have two this happens a lot. I don't know the words properly so this always ends "A  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 legged friend". .Must look that up.

Pennies from Heaven - it's raining.

Sunny Side of the Street - one side of the street is sunny

All of Me - Why not take all of me? This means the younguns are asking me for lots of things.

Pick Yourself Up  Take a deep breath, / Dust yourself off. / And start all over again.
or

Tubthumping I get knocked down / But I get up again / Never going to keep me down.
A disaster has occurred. Tubthumping also inextricably linked with the day Diana died, so any mention of Princess D will provoke it. Though of course she didn't get up again.

Like a G6 - an HP Pavilion G6 laptop has come into the workshop.





Muzak (mainly instrumental)

These support me through various scenarios. E.G.

The Girl from Ipanema - how it torments me. Often performed out loud with a doo-doo-doo treatment. Good for when you are waiting for computers to get on with something. With practice I can now insert the spoken word "Loading" intermittently.

The Benny Hill Music - when people are crashing into each other in a farcical way

Anything by Sigur Ros
or
Chariots of FireFor when something good has happened and I feel I want to do a slow-motion celebration.



Adverts

 Occur randomly and insistently.

Kellog's Country Store (performed by a surprisingly moving folky lady). Bring me honey / Bring me apples / Bring me hazelnuts / Bring me wheat/ Bring me good things to ee-ee-eat / In Kellog's country store.

Fairy Liquid Now hands that do dishes can be soft as your face / With mild green / Fairy Liquid

BUM BUM BUM BUM - Esso Blue

Reading Bedding - Not even a song, but everyone round here must be prone to it. For beds in Reading / You better be Heading / To Reading Bedding. Genius.

Misc

I've no idea what this is doing in my head and why it visits me on a daily basis.
When Father papered the parlour, you couldn't see pa for paste
Dabbing it here, dabbing it there, paste and paper everywhere
Mother was stuck to the ceiling; the kids were stuck to the floor
I never knew a blooming family so stuck up before.