Today's Have Done List

Stuff To Do Lists. They get long and upsetting. Here's today's Have Done List.

1.  Got the last stuff out of my storage unit and received £9.80 refund
2.  Downloaded a pattern for Jok's Klein Bottle Hat
3. Finished a customer's computer and wrote invoice. He's due about now and it's been saying Installing update 10 of 28 for like hours. Bugger. This is always happening.
4. Did some rows on fingerless glove no. 6.
5.  Scraped together £20 for Johnny's guitar lesson
6. Met X from Acme Thingummybobs (not real names) in The Brown Cardigan and wondered if they owed me a trillion pounds. Vowed to look into it.
7. Looked to see if HMRC admit to receiving my tax return yet. Did it on Sunday. They say I sent it but they haven't received it. Think it's cool.
8. Became very tempted to turn off the updating customer's computer by force. Leave it be Hels, leave it be.
9. Took pills circa 3pm. Projected sleepy time 3am
10. Booked GP appointment to get sick note extended. Way too late obvs. Next Wednesday. Not tomorrow. The one after.
11.  

The Anxious Campervan Driver's Guide to Road Signs

It looks like a snowflake.. but it hasn't snowed this year.. cripes it might be ICE [slam on brakes]	I have accidentally entered Hanger Lane Gyratory. The chances of surviving are pretty small. Stop crying.	In a way, I will miss the security of having a 300 vehicle tailback
No toilets or petrol for like ever. Even though I am desperate for both. Never mind, come off somewhere in Surrey and drive around like an idiot in the dark.	Missed it.	How annoying. Oh crap I AM a slow lorry. Engage 2nd gear and drive at 8 m.p.h.
Well OK, but I can't see out the back and can't do reversing unless I don't think about it. Sorry.	Windsock!!! Hello I'm in the wrong lane.	Hunch shoulders, lower head, look neither left nor right
I have never encountered this sign, Thank God.

Stupid Jukebox in My Head

My life is accompanied by a sound-track. My stupid jukebox in my head does not hold tunes that I would have chosen. Nor do they make me look cool.

Circumstantial Tunes

These are triggered by events. Loads of these. For example

A Four-Legged Friend - this goes off everytime I see a dog. Since I have two this happens a lot. I don't know the words properly so this always ends "A  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 legged friend". .Must look that up.

Pennies from Heaven - it's raining.

Sunny Side of the Street - one side of the street is sunny

All of Me - Why not take all of me? This means the younguns are asking me for lots of things.

Pick Yourself Up  Take a deep breath, / Dust yourself off. / And start all over again.
or
Tubthumping I get knocked down / But I get up again / Never going to keep me down.
A disaster has occurred. Tubthumping also inextricably linked with the day Diana died, so any mention of Princess D will provoke it. Though of course she didn't get up again.

Like a G6 - an HP Pavilion G6 laptop has come into the workshop.

Muzak (mainly instrumental)

These support me through various scenarios. E.G.

The Girl from Ipanema - how it torments me. Often performed out loud with a doo-doo-doo treatment. Good for when you are waiting for computers to get on with something. With practice I can now insert the spoken word "Loading" intermittently.

The Benny Hill Music - when people are crashing into each other in a farcical way

Anything by Sigur Ros
or
Chariots of FireFor when something good has happened and I feel I want to do a slow-motion celebration.

Adverts

 Occur randomly and insistently.

Kellog's Country Store (performed by a surprisingly moving folky lady). Bring me honey / Bring me apples / Bring me hazelnuts / Bring me wheat/ Bring me good things to ee-ee-eat / In Kellog's country store.

Fairy Liquid Now hands that do dishes can be soft as your face / With mild green / Fairy Liquid

BUM BUM BUM BUM - Esso Blue

Reading Bedding - Not even a song, but everyone round here must be prone to it. For beds in Reading / You better be Heading / To Reading Bedding. Genius.

Misc

I've no idea what this is doing in my head and why it visits me on a daily basis.
When Father papered the parlour, you couldn't see pa for paste
Dabbing it here, dabbing it there, paste and paper everywhere
Mother was stuck to the ceiling; the kids were stuck to the floor
I never knew a blooming family so stuck up before.